Rigidity In Play

People often wonder why children with autism are rigid with their play and whether there are any strategies to assist them in becoming flexible.

I remember noticing patterns in Leo’s play at a very early age. He especially gravitated to toys/products with the letters of the alphabet and numbers. He would line them up in alphabetical/numerical order over and over again for hours. Foam mats, magnetic letters and numbers, flashcards, they were so fascinating to him. Lorenzo was no different, but he especially gravitated to trains - He would get down on his tummy (still does) and would just stare at the wheels and move the trains back and forth, back and forth…

When Leo started therapy, I was given the opportunity to observe videotaped sessions. If I caught him saying a word because of a specific toy, I would go out to buy the toy in hopes that the progress in the clinic would translate into our home. It wasn’t long before I noticed he was playing with toys in the same order every time. Mr. Potato Head for example had a sequence that needed to be followed - First the eyes, then the ears, then the nose and mouth etc.. This order was imprinted in his mind and if I tried to change it or encourage him to try a different order, he would become visibly upset and frustrated.

I discussed my concerns with the therapist and slowly tried to introduce play in other areas of the house. I also got down on the floor and started playing with the boys’ toys in my own way and tried to be silly by making mistakes in front of them. Sometimes they didn’t notice me and other times they did and observed from a distance. For example, I would swap Mr. Potato Head’s nose with his mouth and would say, “Oops! That doesn’t go there, that’s ok. I’ll try again.” Even if they weren’t sitting with me, I knew they could hear me. I also made an effort to interrupt their play to break their rituals (in a gentle way).

For example, if Lorenzo was lining up his trains, I would sit on the floor and would start introducing cars and other toys to his line. If he was really agitated by this, I would take my car and would just start playing with it appropriately around him by saying, “Vroom, vroom, the car is going fast!”…. Ultimately, I was modeling play and finding opportunities to show them that it was ok to be silly, to try new things, to introduce new toys to the routines, etc.

One thing to note is that I was always gentle with my approach. I never raised my voice or said, “Don’t do this”… “Play with your toys like this.”… Etc… I tried to be accepting of their desires and rituals, but wanted to show them that it was ok to “break the rules” as well.

Rigidity in play can evolve over time and can also impact things like daily routines such as dressing, bathing etc.. I’ve learned to pick my battles, but have also recognized the power of embracing opportunities by mixing things up, trying new things and compromising.

I have also noticed that language has a huge impact in how the boys respond to my desire to break their rituals/rigidity in play/routine. Statements such as, “Let’s give this a try”, “Let’s find out”, “What do you think” go a long way.

Acknowledging flexibility with positive feedback can also be reinforcing - Try using statements like, “I noticed when you did X - You did such a great job being flexible!”

Ultimately, as a parent you will need to evaluate whether your child’s rigidity is causing them harm or hindering their functioning, daily living, etc.. I’m sharing our experiences and what has worked in our household in hopes that it will help others, however I would also recommend discussing your concerns with your child’s doctor/therapist(s).

Hope you find these tips encouraging and helpful.

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message on Instagram @natalieabkariancimini.

Lots of love,

Natalie Abkarian Cimini

Leo being encouraged to change his play by changing his environment. This gives him an opportunity to practice “thinking outside the box”.